Monday, July 16, 2012

Holy Emotional Breakdown Batman!

Happy Monday Friends!

It has not been such a happy Monday for me.  So, this is a venting post - please feel free to not read it but its helpful for me to just get this stuff out sometimes.

About 3 weeks ago, I did a glucose tolerance test.  This is standard for pregnant women to check for gestational diabetes between 24 and 28 weeks.  I went to a lab while fasting, they took blood, made me drink a sugar drink (which was not pleasant), take more blood at one hour, and then take blood again two hours later.

My results:  my fasting blood sugar was 2 points over normal, my others were well within normal limits.  According to my doctors office, they "have to treat me like I have gestational diabetes" and referred me to the diabetes counselor and nutritionist.  I cried when I got the news.  I talked to my midwife - "Do I really have to do this?  I was only 2 points over the fasting test - I ate pad thai the night before."  She suggested that I at least talk to them and best case scenario, my blood sugar tests normal and I don't have to check often and can report numbers to her.

So, I called to schedule the appointment that week.  The lady on the phone kept saying "are you sure you can't come in next week?" which was the week we were in Montana.  I said "I'm on vacation, I won't be in the state so no, my first availability is Monday the 16th".  So, I was scheduled for this morning.

So, after a long vacation, a 12 hour drive yesterday to get home, I got up this morning to go to my appointment.  I was not in a good mood since I didn't really feel like I should have to do this anyway.  I started crying about the first minute that I got into the office.  Likely a combo of fatigue, hormones, anger, hormones, and hormones.  This nutritionist starts explaining to me how the body processes sugar and insulin and how it can affect the baby.  So, I'm a PT - I've taken anatomy and physiology multiple times now and have a general idea of how the human body works.  I have a freaking doctorate degree.  So this lady talking to me like I'm a five year old is not helping things.  Then she tells me the risk factors - the two (of 6 that I meet) are I'm over 25 (can't control that - at 25 I was just finishing grad school - not the time to have a baby) and I was overweight before pregnancy.

Now, I am well aware that I was a good 20 pounds heavier that I wanted to be before I got pregnant.  I had lost about 15 pounds (my first year of marraige weight) on Weight Watchers before we started trying to get pregnant.  But, all the books recommended not dieting while trying to conceive, and then I had quit running thinking that was preventing me from getting pregnant, and then the holidays rolled around so I gained the 15 back. 

Then she tells me that I've gained more during pregnancy than I should and I need to slow that down. 
She also tells me that I have a 2 in 3 chance of having gestational diabetes in my next pregancy and a 50% chance of developing type II diabetes in the next 10 years.  Thanks lady for not only calling me fat, but now making me feel terrible about it. Is anyone else not liking this lady?

Then, as I'm crying in her office (and also apologizing for crying because I hate crying in front of people especially strangers) she asks me about my stress level.  I told her about our Tacoma house which stresses me out but mostly this crying is due to hormones and fatigue and the fact that I have to measure my freaking blood sugar multiple times a day.  And she says "well, stress can also increase your blood sugar levels."  Because that statement is extremely helpful given that I am bawling in your office about my stinking 2 points over normal limits.

So we tested my blood (technically not an hour after I had eaten the english muffin with peanut butter in the car after my appointment) and it was fine.  I learned how to poke myself with the lancet and use the meter (all quite easy to do).  I am supposed to measure my blood an hour after I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  With my job, this is not so easy.  I see patients back to back all day long with no predictable breaks.  I can probably step away from a patient for a minute to check my sugar its just inconvenient to both me and my patient.  I'm also supposed to have a snack in the morning and afternoon.  Again, not something I can do on a predictable basis. 

Then I got the lecture on what foods are okay and how much I should be eating etc.   Most of it I already knew but she gave me sample meal/snack ideas which will come in handy.

So I have to meet with them again next Monday (lets add more appointments to my day off - I already have an OB appointment that day).

I left her office and bawled.  Literally sat in my car and cried for almost 10 minutes before I could pull myself together and drive (to the pharmacy to get more lancets and test strips for my glucose meter).  I talked to my mom and cried, I talked to my husband and cried.  Then I ran some errands and came home where I have been crying off and on for most of the day.

My blood sugars after lunch were fine.  My big test will be the fasting test tomorrow morning which is the one they are "worried" about.  I'm hoping that everything will be normal all week - then I want to walk into that lady's office and tell them there is nothing wrong with me.  If that is the case I will have a serious talk with my midwife about whether I really need to stress about this - because I seriously think that the emotional stress that I have been going through today is worse for my baby than my stupid blood sugar.

So folks, that has been my not so happy day.  I'd take any advice out there from moms who have been through GD or a similar scenario as to what I've been through.

1 comment:

  1. Aww Sarah, I'm so sorry. I know this story all too well. You might remember that I had Gestational Diabetes when I was pregnant with Sam. (I wrote a post about it on my blog if you search it.)

    I too had a total breakdown after I went to my "diabetes education" class and the other two participants literally brought in Burger King and left to take smoke breaks (they were PREGNANT)! I felt like I was already the worst mom - not to mention a total fatty.

    The good news? I was able to completely manage with my diet, I gained significantly less weight the second half of my pregnancy than the first (even though I was still HUGE), and Sam was born perfectly healthy with not the slightest increase in blood sugar.

    Hang in there girl!!