Monday, November 12, 2012

Sleep - a precious commodity

Its been a rough few days.  Sleep has been variable.  Just when I feel like we are getting into a good rhythm, there's a day when Sawyer decides he doesn't want to sleep.  Its been 8 weeks now since I've had more than 4 hours of sleep at a time and its catching up to me.  I'm an emotional mess.

We've had a couple nights of 4+ hour stretches of sleep - 11pm to 4 am.  I'm amazed at how much better I feel when I get 3-4 straight hours of sleep instead of 2.  And after a couple nights like that, I get lots of small stretches of sleep - he gets fussy in his sleep and needs to be comforted at 1:30 and then again at 2:15, and then he's up at 3:30 to eat and proceeds to throw up all over his swaddle and pajamas requiring a change of clothes, then once we are all bundled up again he poops and needs another diaper change and then its almost 5 before we get back to sleep and then is up again fussy at 6:30 where I bring him into bed with us where he sleeps peacefully next to me but of course I don't sleep because I don't want to roll on him.  Ahh, life with an infant.

That was my night last night.  And today he has decided that he doesn't want to nap.  His morning nap was minimal since we had to go grocery shopping (I decided yesterday to nap instead of shop).  He sort of slept in the carrier but woke up as soon as I put him in his car seat to go home.  I tried to put him in his crib to sleep after his lunch time feeding but he woke up after 30 minutes and would not go back to sleep so I had him downstairs with me as I talked with my mom and he fell asleep for about 40 minutes until he woke up to eat again.  He fell asleep on my shoulder after he ate at 2:30 but when I tried to swaddle him and put him in his crib he woke up again after 20 minutes.  I tried to give him his pacifier which kept him calm for another 10 minutes, then I picked him up and rocked him until he was asleep and put him down for another 15 minutes until he woke up again.  The kid was so tired and fighting sleep and fussing and crying.  He FINALLY went to sleep and has been down for a good 30 minutes now and seems to be out - hopefully for a good 2 hours. 

The ironic part?  As I was rocking/swaying/shushing him trying desperately to get him to sleep, I was in tears and on the verge of getting angry with him.  He was not fighting sleep and fussing because he was trying to get on my nerves - he's an overtired baby.  And I was mad at him. And I felt horribly guilty for being mad.  I almost had to put him down crying and walk away and then he finally went to sleep.  And now that he's sleeping in his crib, I miss him and wish I could be snuggling with him.  And I still feel guilty that I was mad at him.

Thats me.  An emotional, sleep-deprived mess.   I'm tired of being tired. I get emotional about being so emotional.

I need more of this!
I know this too shall pass but it could certainly pass a little quicker.

1 comment:

  1. Oh girl, I SO know where you are. It is SO SO hard. Show yourself some grace and ask your sister-in-law to watch Sawyer for a few hours one DAY so you can sleep. Seriously, do it. :)